Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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