He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize