So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
