YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
