I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
