i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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