His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
