Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
