I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
