Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
