I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
