dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
