I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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