I just pynch a tree in the face
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
