Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
