yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
