omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
