Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize