I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
