Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
