It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
