it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
