i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have demons in me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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