I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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