Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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