dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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