Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
