My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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