cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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