He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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