He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
