don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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