discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
