I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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