i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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