One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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