I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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