News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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