he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
