I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
