Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
