Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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