I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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