Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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