Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
