And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
