either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
