I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my shit smells like andre
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
