its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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