My nipple is on Facebook.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
