You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
