I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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