Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
