been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
