Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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