for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
