yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
