i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
