i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Operation Purity has been aborted
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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