I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
