I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
