Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
