im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
