Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
