Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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