clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize