what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
