i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Randomize
