You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
