Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
