After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
