yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
