i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
