I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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