i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
