He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
