Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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