There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
