Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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