We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
