He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You were trust falling into bushes
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
