I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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