You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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