I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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